Love

I am alone this weekend, a blessing as it were, providing me with extended meditation periods, reading/writing/thinking/being time, and as I am snowed in until tomorrow, a great excuse to cocoon and figure out my Next Steps.

I've had an intense life, as any who know me here probably have heard all about it.  For 3 years I tried cutting myself off from those old memories, and lived in bliss from today and tomorrow.  But, as ken always says, Shadow comes and bites you in the ass, which it did, quite frequently, including just this past few months.  I see now the energy that builds to throw me off course and to set me into a defensive posture.  Susanne and I discussed my defensiveness, but it will take much prodding and  poking and pushing before I can dig deeply enough to unearth that reactive response and replace it.

So on Bert's recommendation, I have registered for the Quadrinity process, which seems to be another leap forward such as I had at Spectrum.  It will be for a week this summer, and I am willing to forego the Omega workshops for this, more instensive process.

But this got me to thinking back to education, and I am reading about negative love by the founder of the Process.

"Whereas love is a disposition to give, born of abundance, 'negative love" is wanting to receive, rooted in deficiency"--Naranjo.
Robert Hoffman, the crator of the process, who died in 1997, uses the duality, the Trinity (body/mind/soul) and the Quadrinity, which is the Integral model, and he references Ken here. 
He then begins with the Emotional Self, and lists the negative and positive patterns, and then does the same with the Intellectual self.
Our spiritual self is but perfection, light, non-programmed, similar to Essence of Aalmas.
He then brings in Bowlby's attachment theory---how fantastic!  I just read and downloaded his theory today!  Aaaah, synchronicities, tuned into the Universe, to direct us.  I'm in the stream at the moment.

Bowlby's attchment theory highlights the critical nature of the baby's attachment  to the mother/primary caretaker, for survival benefit.  This fear of abandonment shapes the baby forever. Any leave-taking, lack of direct caring, is seen as this non-loving quality within the child. After all, every child is egocentric (ha! here we go with Piaget, I am becoming circular in where I'm roaming these days....), and thus takes everything personally, from a 1st P perspective alone.  "If the parent is not dependable, they will not develop this inner guide".

He then talks about Horney, one of my first teachers, back in 1975. Horney categorizes how basic anxiety gets hold of the child:
--direct or indirect domination
--intolerance
--erratic behavior
--lack of respect for child's needs
--lack of guidance
--disparagine attitudes
--too much admiration
--lack of reliablre warmth
--having to take sides in parental arguments
--too much/little responsibility
--over protection
--isolation from other children
--injustice
--refusal to keep promises
and then he goes onto Alice Miller, where the child believes that all of this is for his own good.

So to end the separation with our parents, we adopt their attitude about us, unconditionally, completely, innocently.  So we try to repeat these attempts and to become like our parents, to get love by recreating these patterns that they inflicted upon us, and when folks in our adult lives turn against us even with us trying to fit into our parents' mold, we are doubly upset, feeling that our best attempts to gain love have backfired, and our contract has been broken unfairly.

How do we repeat these patterns?
1--by Adopting their negative treatment of us, by being self-critical, critical of others,
2-- Adoption + Rebellion = Conflict of push/pull behavior, acting out the adopted behavior one time, the opposite the next

And then there is TRANSFERRENCE, which I can vouch for having done repeatedly.

So how do we see this in ourselves and our students?  Easy.  At first, when following these negative patterns, and then being told that we can find releas from their dictates, we and our students can experience invalidation, cynicism, and skepticism.  Isn't that what we all see when we approach our students about the possibility of change? When we try to tell them that they might just have potential?  They are being told that they have to defy their parents, upon whom they still depend.

I need to revisit this entire dynamic now, to stop the negative patterns that have followed me into adulthood.  But it also speaks volumes to me about my seniors, who believe that they really have a true sense of themselves now, while they still live with thir parents.  When I talk to them about their UL and LL, they want to know why no one obthers to explain this to them.  Their health classes deal with sex and AIDS, but not with their self-senses, with what they are going thru.  My hs would nevere permit me ot teach a unit on BEING ME--THE SENIOR YEAR.  Boy, would I love to model that.

OK, another issue to meditate upon, to figure out how to bring this idea into being.